I Prayed For This Child...

It took me a long time to decide to write this post, but by sharing our happiness I had to explain part of the sadness. For a very few, this will be an addition to what you already know and for most it will be the first time you hear what's been going on in our lives for the past few months. 

Let me start by saying that I am very grateful for my life! No matter some of the sadness, our family is truly BLESSED. My story began many, many years ago when my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 13 weeks. It was a difficult time, but I made it through. After that, I went on to have two beautiful girls with two mostly uneventful pregnancies. I always knew I wanted another baby, but wasn't sure about Trey. He always joked after my brother and sister-in-law had twins and his sister and brother-in-law already had twins that we were not having another baby because we'd probably end up with twice the blessings too! Well, around the beginning of this year we decided that we were going to try. I assumed that we would immediately get pregnant like we did with Ashton and even though that didn't necessarily happen, we were pregnant by March (and yes, I know that is fast and not the norm for most). To say that I was excited would definitely be an understatement (it makes me cry just typing this). I put Ashton in an "I'm A BIG Sister" shirt, took her picture and then took a picture of the two positive tests. I was so happy to give them to Trey. I'd already started making plans for the future and couldn't believe we'd have a new baby before Christmas. Long story short, on April 29th, due to some complications I went to the doctor and found out there was not a heartbeat and that I'd miscarried at 8 weeks. My sweet Ashton was with me and held my hand like such a big girl (she had no clue why mommy was crying). Trey was on his way, but they finished the ultrasound right before he got there and he immediately knew what happened when he walked in the room. In a matter of minutes, my whole world turned upside down. Every plan I'd made, every dream I had, they all came to an abrupt end. I now had this emptiness in me and all I could do was cry. We had not yet told Kaylyn or our families that I was pregnant and now we didn't know what to do. There was a birthday dinner planned for that night and I made Trey go with the girls. Trey was able to tell his parents when he was there and we had to explain things to Kaylyn when they got home. She knew something was wrong with me when I wouldn't stop crying and was determined to find out why. After finding out, she made us promise to tell her the next time we got pregnant...even before the first doctor visit. I later told my parents and a couple of my friends. If you're reading this and just finding out, please do not be upset. I did not want you to stress over my sadness and I didn't want anyone to keep happy baby news from me in fear of making me sad. I know everyone would have only wanted to be there for support, but it was my crazy thinking. The next couple of months were pretty difficult. Each time I realized we weren't pregnant, I'd have a pity party for myself with lots of tears. At the same time, I continued to remain hopeful and faithful in the Lord and knew that in His perfect timing we would get pregnant again.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. - James 1:2-4

(something my best friend shared with me that puts my feelings into words better than I ever could myself)

It is but a distant memory

The day you went away

Not quite sure what to say

Silent tears of confusion

Were quickly brushed away

Life goes on they say

Did you know I loved you?

Did you know I cared?

Did you hear me talking to you as you were being prepared?

I'm so sorry I wasn't strong for you

So sorry I let you go

We were only together a few weeks

And you never got to grow

Life goes on they say

He took you slowly on angels wings

Away from all the pain

Soaring high throughout the heavens

Never looking back again

Arriving at His special place

He welcomed you with love

Stay here with me in heaven

Until your mother comes above

-Unknown

Fast forward to the middle of July and what I assumed would be another month of not being pregnant. The title of this post is I Prayed For This Child... and the scripture ends with and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him. - 1 Samuel 1:27

Well, guess what?!? We are so happy to announce that there will be a new baby Dirks in late March 2014...our due date is 3/28/14. I found out I was pregnant on July 22nd, but I knew a few days before then (I was just too scared to take the test). I waited and told Trey the next day by giving him a small photo album with the following pictures in it. It was such a special moment and he was just as happy and excited as I was!

We told Kaylyn the first night in our new house (August 1st), by letting Ashton "draw" something on daddy's computer. She was so happy and you can tell by the look on her face in the pictures.

She had no clue what we were doing.

  Still waiting...

It was a work in progress since Ashton was "helping".

This is right before she read it...the suspense was killing her.

And this is right after. She was so excited, it melted my heart. She immediately ran and hugged me and kept asking if we were serious or not.

Love my girls!

We had our first ultrasound on August 13th and were able to hear our little baby's heartbeat for the very first time. There were so many tears shed that day...both before and after the ultrasound (we had the same lady that did my ultrasound back in April and all of my emotions came flooding out), but they were definitely happy tears!

Today, I am 12 weeks and 3 days and even though there are times that I am really nervous, I am also full of joy and excitement for what the future holds for our family and our new little addition.

When I said, "My foot is slipping," your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy. - Psalm 94:18-19

BOY or GIRL, what will it be...
We're BLESSED to be expecting baby #3!

(pictures taken on Wednesday, Sept. 11th at 11 weeks and 5 days)

For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. - Psalm 139:13-14